Self-introspection

I had to learn a hard lesson the other day. I had to take inventory of what was actually happening in my household and I didn't like what I was seeing. It is rough to admit to yourself that you aren't the superperson that you sometimes con yourself into thinking that you are. I've had to make some hard choices and change some things in my house that weren't working. I have had to read more and be consistent with turning off the television. I've had to follow through with consequences even when it is inconvenient for me. My boys and I are always together and sometimes punishing them is tantamount to punishing myself. I'll admit it, I have become lackadaisical in some of my parenting techniques. I'm not proud of it, but in order for my sons to change their behavior, I must change mine. I have to do what is hard all of the time, not just some of the time. It wasn't about trying to be their friend, but it was more of a function of time constraints and just plain tiredness. It is hard being a single parent. My soon to be ex-husband has never been an active parent in our children's lives, so this parenting thing has always been on my shoulders. For the first few years, it was easy, but now as I get older and more weary, it gets to be a burden at times. I never get a break. I wish young girls could just live in my shoes for one day. It would be the best birth control ever. We must teach our young to stop procreating, not only before they are ready, but also with the wrong person. Your life will forever be changed, and many times not for the better. It is very easy to view life's blessings as curses if you aren't ready for the responsibility of parenting. Don't misread this, I love my children, but there are many times that I know that they deserve better. And many times, I can't give them the better that they deserve. It isn't fair to the child to bring them into a situation that you aren't ready to handle. It just makes what should be a great time in your life, very difficult.