Childhood

My father retold one of my childhood memories to my sons the other day. I had forgotten most of it, but I do remember the parts that matter. When I was 5 years old, my dad took me to the Academy of Music to see the play Purlie. My father had the album and played that soundtrack constantly. My favorite song was, "I Got Love." The play starred Cleavon Little as Purlie and Melba Moore was cast as Peggy Jo. This was my first play and I guess no one taught me the "audience play rules" as you will soon see. I remember sitting in the theater and being mesmerized by Melba Moore's character. I don't think that I really understood that it wasn't "real." I remember her pig tails and her booming voice. Well, the scene came in which she sang, "I Got Love." As Melba Moore began to sing, my father says that I stood up in the audience and in my biggest voice sang the song with her. Needless to say, my dad tried to make me stop, but he said that the audience told him to leave me alone. I sang every word of the song right along with Melba Moore and the audience applauded me as well. After the play, my father and I were invited to come back stage and meet the cast. My dad says that Melba Moore and the rest of the cast were so taken by my performance that they asked me several questions. The wanted to know hold old I was, how I learned the song and how I learned to sing. Wow! A star was born! My dad said that in my innocence that I blurted out, "Dad, she's got on a wig." I also invited Ms. Moore to Thanksgiving dinner. My dad always adds sarcastically how my mom would have been thrilled if he brought home Melba Moore to dinner. My sons got such a kick out of this story. I don't remember all of the details, but I do remember some of my feelings on that day. I never found out why my dad only took me to the play and I guess it doesn't matter. When I think about that little girl today, I cry. Gone is her innocence and fearlessness. She no longer exists as that perfect ball of dreams and ambitions. Gone is her ability to just exist shameless and excited about life. Her living thrilled to just exist and loving everything and everybody was killed off long ago. She has become jaded and stifled. She has missed more opportunities that she can count, because of her insecurities and fears of success. She counts herself short and constantly second guesses everything about her life. The path that she chose to take in life is not the path that that little girl deserved. I miss her so much and I pray that she knows just how sorry that I am about all of the bad choices that I made with her life.